Mindfulness as a Foundation for Healing
You can think of mindfulness practice as an advanced operating system for navigating the ‘daydream’ we call our reality. It is also a vehicle to awaken from this daydream. To awaken from the daydream is to become more aware of the present moment and to let go of the distractions and patterns that prevent us from experiencing life fully. It is to become more mindful and present in our daily lives rather than simply going through the motions without paying attention to what we are doing or experiencing.
We can start making better decisions when we can tune into our bodies' wants and needs. Mindfulness coaching offers structured guidance to help individuals achieve this awareness and build healthy habits. Jon Kabat-Zinn defines mindfulness as “becoming friends with yourself.” The path of self-healing begins by building a relationship with ourselves, while a mindfulness practice reminds us of who we really are.
Many people also turn to online therapyto deepen their relationships with themselves. By integrating mindfulness-based techniques, online therapy provides a space to explore thoughts, emotions, and patterns in a supportive environment.
Meditation as a Tool to Achieve Mindfulness
On the surface, there are many reasons to meditate: Meditation promises clarity, focus, and even a keen level of awareness of the subtle pleasures of life. It’s also natural for our reasons to be more goal-oriented since greater concentration and balance can help us perform better at work, in sports, and creatively. The drive for success and achievement demands optimal human performance. While mindfulness practice does increase performance, it also can alter our definition of success and happiness in the first place.
Meditation is a foundation layer for any skill-building endeavor in that it first and foremost acts as a tool to connect with the true nature of ourselves and our potential.
Beginning to Let Go
I imagine the first humans were so primal and connected with their environments that a “hyper-present state” of reality was the status quo: All information was exchanged by intuition and full-bodied sense perception, allowing the mind to be much more instinctually and fully aware of the present moment.
Nowadays, there is so much to distract our attention from the present moment and even our physical reality. Technology has introduced many different simulations to distract ourselves with. While some of these advancements have made our lives better and more connected, they have also become ways to distract ourselves from our emotional and spiritual intelligence.
Online therapy offers tools to address these distractions, providing a way to reconnect with our inner worlds and build emotional intelligence. This allows individuals to become more present with themselves and their relationships.
As humans, we all have an innate capacity to reach this level of hyper-presence to cultivate psychic development, self-realization, and genuine compassion. However, we fixate on stubborn patterns and impulses that avoid pain or cling to pleasure. When we start noticing these unfulfilling thought patterns and reactive behaviors, we seek a remedy to dislodge the pesky existential splinter of ‘dukkha’ that steadily throbs in our subtle bodies.
Dukkha is a Buddhist term for the unsatisfactory nature of things. It is often translated as "suffering," but it encompasses a broader range of experiences, including pain, frustration, dissatisfaction, and impermanence.
Most remedies are merely band-aids that cover up the discomfort only temporarily. To truly let go of our suffering, it must be eradicated at the root. This is where mindfulness comes in: As we learn to treat our experience with gentleness and see into the impermanent nature of our feelings, we can begin to ease our reactive tendencies and just be with our experience. As we witness our experience for what it is, we soon come to understand we are not the pain, the sadness, the anger, the discomfort, or even the pleasure—yet we’ve become accustomed to reacting to it.
Mindfulness coaching helps individuals explore these emotional patterns and reactions with curiosity rather than judgment, offering an opportunity to respond skillfully rather than react impulsively.
Mindfulness gives us another choice — to be with our experience with gentleness and begin to let go.
Standing Face-to-Face with Ourselves
Our subconscious instincts are always communicating with us. When we ignore them, we bypass our needs and clog up our energy channels. Emotional bypassing is when an individual avoids or suppresses their emotions rather than healthily dealing with them. This can lead to unresolved emotions and can cause problems in personal relationships and overall well-being.
Online therapy for individuals offers a safe space to explore and process these emotions, helping individuals uncover and resolve what might otherwise remain hidden. By using mindfulness tools in therapy, people can develop a healthier relationship with their emotions and reconnect with their personal needs.
Traditional meditation practice offers a way to develop your ability to live more mindfully while cultivating awareness and equanimity. Think of meditation as a bird. One wing is awareness, and the other is equanimity. A bird cannot fly with just one wing. It needs both wings to function in harmony to soar through the air.
Awareness refers to observing the thoughts, emotions, sensations, and experiences that come through our senses. Equanimity refers to being with these experiences without reacting to them. In this way, we can be fully present with life and allow emotions to come and go without multiplying our attachments to specific sensations, feelings, or thoughts.
If stillness and equanimity seem like a far stretch from where you are now—it isn’t. Meditation works by gradually developing these skills over time through consistent practice. Even 5 minutes a day will start a strong momentum you can build on. Being aware of just one breath is the beginning of living a more mindful life.
When you make peace with truth, you become free.
As Alyssa Scarano, LPC, describes it:
“WHEN I THINK OF MAKING PEACE WITH THE TRUTH, I THINK OF FACING MY FEELINGS, ALLOWING THEM TO SURFACE RATHER THAN PUSHING THEM AWAY OR TRYING TO CHANGE HOW I FEEL, SO THAT I CAN GAIN A SENSE OF CONTROL OVER MY EXPERIENCE— I GET TO CHOOSE WHAT I WANT TO ATTACH TO AND WHAT I WANT TO LET GO OF. MY ATTACHMENTS NO LONGER HAVE CONTROL OVER ME— THATS FREEDOM.”
The Power of Direct Experience
“Take no head above your own.”
—Buddha
In other words, don’t take anyone else’s word for it—not your teacher, parent, friend, or famous person. Your interpretation is most important. Your experience is unique, and developing trust in yourself will take you further down the path than just taking another person’s word for it.
Mindfulness coaching encourages individuals to rely on their direct experiences rather than external validation, fostering self-trust and insight.
Meditation Works Because of the Element of Direct Experience. Not because you read about it in a book or because Google or AI said it’s true, but because you experienced it to be true yourself. This is the essence of direct experience.
Here’s my favorite example:
Say, you’ve heard that the new Italian restaurant has the most delicious stuffed artichoke. You may have heard this rumor, but you still can’t necessarily vouch for it, nor can you fully understand the qualities that make it the best artichoke—because you haven’t tasted or experienced it yet.
You get to the restaurant, and the waiter escorts you to your table. Walking through, you see others enjoying the artichoke, licking their lips and exclaiming, “What a delicious artichoke! This is the best artichoke I’ve ever had!”
It must be good. But you’re still not in the “in-club.” You can’t say with the same clarity and conviction that the artichoke is the best. You’ve heard it was the best and witnessed others enjoying it as if it is the best, but you only have second-hand knowledge to confirm the truth. As of now, it’s still someone else’s truth—not your own.
Finally, you order the artichoke. It arrives, and you take the first bite. Ah, now you understand. You’ve tasted its splendor, and some deep knowing inside sparks with the realization that it really is the best artichoke ever.
Now, you, too, can tell others about it. They can take your word for it, but you wouldn’t even want them to—because you know they can only truly understand once they taste it themselves.
A Newfound Trust
Meditation requires much more commitment than just tasting something. While it’s possible to experience deep insights during the first session or in any individual session, it’s a gradual building process to tame the unruly nature of the mind and delve into the depths of your psychological constructs.
But the benefits start accumulating right away. As you recalibrate your relationship with your internal world, your external world also starts to recalibrate. A beautiful symbiosis of change occurs as the transformations within you begin to attract new energy and opportunities in your life.
Mindfulness coaching emphasizes this personal journey, helping individuals build trust in their inner experience and navigate life's emotional and practical aspects with greater clarity and calm.
Mindfulness means being at peace with what is. You may have to surf feelings of agitation, boredom, or aversion as you practice with love, ease, and equanimity, but as your practice grows, insights into your own nature will start to reveal themselves, and healing will unfold naturally.
At first, we need to let the mud settle and allow the water to clear through the discipline of concentration. Then, we can see the true nature of things on a much subtler level. These insights are gems of wisdom that, while universal, are also profoundly personal.
Meditation in 3 Easy Steps
Meditation is a simple practice, but it’s often overcomplicated. Here, we break it down into three steps to keep it accessible to anyone.
1) Take Your Seat
While it sounds easy enough, this is often the hardest step. It’s common to come up with a laundry list of reasons not to sit:
“I don’t have enough time.”
“I have too many things to do.”
But have you considered that taking 5-20 minutes for yourself to meditate could make all those things a lot less stressful? Time isn’t fixed! When you carve out time for yourself, it’s common to get more done with greater ease.
The Dalai Lama knew this when he said in a TV interview, “I usually meditate 1 hour a day, but on really busy days, I meditate 2 hours.”
POSTURE
Posture
Sitting upright, either on the floor or on a seat, is important. Keep your spine long, especially the area behind the neck (do this by dropping your chin). If sitting in a chair, plant your feet firmly on the floor. A good way to start is with your hands on your knees, which encourages grounding and stillness.
I recently started meditating with my eyes open, using a soft gaze toward the ground a few feet before me. It is also common to close your eyes. Experiment with both, but I encourage keeping your eyes open unless it becomes distracting.
2) Anchor Your Attention to Your Breath
Now that you’ve taken your seat, the next step is to anchor your attention to your breath. Without an anchor, your mind will wander all over the place. Your breath is a powerful tool because it’s always present and connects you to the inner and outer worlds.
When I first started meditating, I couldn’t even feel my breath—and that’s common. You can focus on the spot above your upper lip and beneath your nostrils, resting your mind there.
Notice whatever you can—temperature, perspiration, motion, or even stillness. There is no wrong sensation.
With each exhale, allow yourself to let go of whatever your mind is trying to fixate on. Each time your mind wanders, gently bring it back to your breath. Let your breath serve as your anchor throughout the meditation.
Over time, you’ll access effortless states of concentration, where it will feel unnatural to break your focus. But when you’re just starting out, be gentle with yourself and remember—this is a gradual practice.
3.) Notice When the Mind Has Wandered
This step is the essence of the practice. Noticing when your mind has wandered is a powerful moment of presence—a glimpse of the wakefulness we cultivate on the cushion and in life. When you notice your mind has wandered, you are in the driver’s seat.
When caught up in a stream of thoughts, it can help to make a mental note. Simply note “thinking,” then gently return to your breath—your anchor.
This is where you can create precision in your practice. Your awareness widens each time you notice the mind wandering and gently bring it back.
You might sit for 5 minutes and spend the entire time bringing your attention back to the breath, over and over again—and that’s okay. This is the practice.
Be mindful not to berate yourself for getting lost in thought. This is where gentleness and precision work together. Stay precise, but be kind to yourself as you begin again with each new in-breath.
Through consistent practice, individuals can enhance these mindfulness skills further with mindfulness coaching, ensuring the practice remains personal and effective. For those seeking a more therapeutic approach, online therapy for individuals integrates mindfulness to help clients explore emotional patterns and stay connected to their healing journey.
