How to Find Peace When You’re Feeling Unfulfilled
At different points in our lives, we might find ourselves wishing for or yearning for things– whether that be financial security, a relationship, or a different physical appearance. We yearn for these things because we perceive them to not be easily obtained or as things that exist just outside of our reach. It may even feel like every time we get close enough to hold it in our hands, it moves another few feet away– taunting us. Maybe we even witness others appearing to have those things we wish for and wonder why we can’t have them too.
Sometimes we may develop stories about ourselves, or our lives, in an effort to explain or make sense of why things aren’t working out the way we want them to: It must be because of me– something I did. I’m not good enough. I’m not smart enough. I am not… enough.
Other times, we might blame others for why things are the way they are. However, this sense of blame keeps us distracted from our own discomfort and serves to point the finger away from our internal experience– which only we have control over to change.
Blame is based on the past. Change happens in the present.
Unfulfillment, scarcity, and lack are heavy sensations to carry that frequently result in fear-based emotional states like anxiety and anger. These states can easily creep into our generalized worldview and overshadow the very hopes and dreams that drive our goal-directed behaviors.
Reactions like these do little to create the change we want or states of being we wish to achieve. Instead, they create a cycle of despair as we find ourselves thinking, feeling, and responding from a state of perpetual scarcity.
But what if I told you that those things you are yearning for are not necessarily the thing in and of itself that you are hoping to obtain, but more so, the feeling it would provide?
Truthfully, we yearn for things because on some level we feel a sense of incompleteness or lack of fulfillment in some area. We have a need that is not being met with what we have. We take on the belief, if only things were different, everything would be better. But often times, these items or states of being we wish for, exist outside of us. And even if we were to obtain them, we still would be faced with the need to feel whole and complete on the inside in order to truly feel fulfilled.
Even so, if we rely on things outside of us to feel complete, we will always be yearning because things outside of us are in constant motion. Nothing is meant to stay the same forever– even things that bring us joy.
Both pain and happiness are equally transient experiences.
Take a moment to think about one thing you are desiring:
What would it feel like if you had it?
What sensations would you feel in your body?
What emotions would come up?
What thoughts would you have?
Which of these feelings or sensations would bring you the most comfort?
Is there a theme or common thread between the sensations or feelings you are wishing to experience?
What is to stop you from experiencing those feelings or physical sensations in some other way?
For example, say you are yearning for home ownership and based on the reality of the housing market and your financial situation, it appears as an impossible feat. Think about the feelings owning a home would instill inside of you. Would you feel more stable or secure? Would it be easier to breathe? Do you believe it would increase your sense of self-worth?
While there are many factors about purchasing a home that you cannot change or determine, you can create the sensations of stability and ease in your body and your mind.
These feelings and sensations are not exclusive of the material items or states we attribute them to.
If what you are really yearning for is a sense of being able to breathe or a release of tightness in your chest, you can always choose to focus your attention on slow, intentional, breath— which anatomically creates space in your lungs and expansion across your chest. You can choose to stop looking at housing prices. Instead, you can focus your attention on the tangible things in your life that you already have— things that aren’t a determinant of external factors or other people’s decisions. Things like: family, friendship, or memories that fill you with gratitude and joy. Grounding your mind and your body in these internal states can offer you the very sense of stability you are yearning for— and nothing can ever take that from you.
The way we choose to see the world, creates the world we see.
In this sense, how can you create the feeling you are yearning for right here and right now?
Maybe it means taking a break from whatever you are doing and going for a walk. Maybe it means easing up on yourself, taking the pressure off, or setting a boundary. Would it help to take a few deep breaths and hit the reset button? What would happen if you chose to let go of the story you are telling yourself about the things you feel like you are lacking?
If you feel overwhelmed, how can you change something in your environment to be more organized?
If you are missing someone who is no longer with you, what can you do to feel more connected with that person?
If you’d like to feel less alone, is there someone in your life you can call, or somewhere you can go, that can offer you a sense of connection? Even greeting a stranger or doing something kind for someone else can make us feel significant in a small way.
We may not have control over what happens in life, but we have control over how we respond. In our response, lies the ability to create the experiences we want. We can choose to stay in a state of self-deprecation, comparison, judgment, or blame, but that will only further cement a state of incompleteness and stagnancy. Or we can do something new.
If feelings are a result of our thoughts and actions. then we can create the feelings we desire through the way we perceive and respond to our experiences.
BE IN CREATION OF THE LIFE YOU WANT
Use your state of yearning as an indication or warning sign that you need something you aren’t getting.
Decide to offer yourself a solution that can create the feeling or sensation you are missing.
Even if in your creation, you don’t magically manifest your dream home, a partner, or anything else you find yourself craving, you no longer have to operate from a place of scarcity or lack because you already have everything you need inside of you.
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Thank you for being a presence for us, for yourself, and for others.
We are so glad you’re here.
