4 Mindsets to Connect with Your True Self
Many aspects of our lives are externally focused on tangible details that we can see, hear, smell, touch, taste, and feel. We operate on efficiency and are pressured to produce, to look a certain way, to keep moving, doing, and yearning for more.
Our senses act as gatekeepers to our experiences– helping us discern where our attention and efforts are best served– which usually aligns with the things that make us feel good.
This easily explains why we spend our hard earned money on material items or to improve our appearance– because we experience an appealing change that we can touch, see, and share outwardly with others.
While an external focus is necessary in order to discern our approach to tackling problems or making decisions, too much of it can cause us to have less time and energy to devote to connecting with ourselves and our internal experience.
Why is it so important to connect with and understand our internal experience?
Our thoughts, emotions, and sensations drive the way we relate to the experiences that come through our senses. In this way, events and situations that stick with us, or influence our behavior, do so because something about it resonates with us on a deeper level.
Whether it's a song, a movie, a greeting card, or an interaction you had with someone, if the experience caused you to have a big feeling or response, it struck a chord within you, and it did so because there was a chord there for it to strike.
Our understanding of situations is not based on what we see, but on how we’ve come to make sense of events in our minds based on past experiences. It is as if we relate to ourselves and the world through a lens of adopted truths of how we know things to be, based on what we’ve experienced prior.
“The eye doesn’t see. The brain sees. The eye just transmits. So what we see isn’t only determined by what comes through the eyes. What we see is affected by our memories, our feelings, and by what we’ve seen before.” **
There is always something under the surface that drives even the most simple decisions we make, reactions we have, and thoughts we believe every single day. When we get to know these deeper patterns within ourselves, we gain the ability to truly understand the way we operate and ultimately discover how to create the changes we want to see in ourselves and our life.
Instead of saying, “I don’t know why I feel this way” or “I don’t know why I always do this, or why this always happens”, if we are truly able to connect with ourselves, we can go into situations knowing our patterns in thinking and responding and choose to put our attention on something different. We can choose to respond in a more helpful way and ultimately achieve a better outcome or result that is more aligned with who we truly are and the life we want to lead.
With a deeper understanding of how we think, feel, and function within the context of the world around us, we simultaneously develop a profound and unwavering connection to ourselves and others.
When we are truly connected to ourselves and are operating from a place of choice rather than a knee-jerk or unconscious reaction, we are able to see and understand the world based on the present-moment rather than meaning we’ve come to believe based on the past.
By seeing ourselves for who we truly are, we are able to see others for who they are.
Knowing that the people in our lives are also a culmination of their own nuances and layers of accumulated experiences, allows us to engage with others as they are, rather than how we perceive them to be – or how we wish them to be. There is no longer a need to fix, change, judge, or blame the people in our lives. Nor is there a need to make ourselves smaller or louder in our interactions with others.
We gain the ability to engage with ourselves and others from a place of understanding and compassion that conveys the message:
I see you.
I hear you.
I am with you.
How do we come to lose sight of ourselves?
While we have become so accustomed to predictability and structure, our internal experience is much less so organized, which can make it difficult to know how to connect with and understand our deeper selves. The thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations of our internal experience are muddled with nuance. The things we think, believe, and feel are often subtle and layered with little (and big) traumas that we’ve come to accumulate throughout our experiences.
Oftentimes, the things that are mixed in with our internal experience are uncomfortable, messy, and essentially– a big can of worms– except… you don’t really always know what else, if anything, is inside the can. It’s no wonder why we aren't eager to tap into the obscurity that makes up the depth of who we are. It’s why we stay in our comfort zone– even when it stops being comfortable. It's why we look outside of ourselves to feel better and at times it's even what drives some of our most unhealthy behaviors.
Truthfully, we have never been immediately wired to easily connect with our deeper selves. In our most primal beginning as humans, our brains were wired to focus only on the external in order to ensure safety and survival, but as physical survival is not the only concern anymore, fulfillment of higher needs takes more of a precedence now, than it did generations prior.
Survival nowadays includes the need to feel significant and purposeful, to feel loved, and to feel as though we belong somewhere. True fulfillment of these needs is experienced as an internal shift and inner healing. Sure, we can buy the expensive pair of shoes, change our appearance, and attain all of the external things we desire, and it may offer us ease, comfort, or joy, but it won’t always fulfill the deeper need that drove us to desire those things in the first place. Instead, it may cause us to remain in search of things that provide us with extrinsic gratification in order to feel better momentarily.
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How can we connect with ourselves and live in harmony with our internal experience?
Emotions & sensations are your friend.
In the same way that our stomach grumbles to tell us we need to eat, our bodies tell us when our emotions need attention. If we take the time to notice internal shifts in our sensations and mood, and we welcome those experiences as indications that something is going on for us that needs our attention, we are more likely to meet ourselves with compassion and provide the emotional nourishment we need.
I invite you to notice shifts in your mood, your energy, and your internal experience.
Ask yourself:
What am I feeling?
What is happening within me?
What is happening around me?
Ask yourself these questions without the intention of attaching meaning or “why” behind what you are feeling. Just notice.
Consider that the shifts you feel in your internal experience are signals to your brain and body that you are experiencing something profound that is worthy of attention and pause. This is where you can practice listening to what your heart is telling you and give it what it needs in order to feed your well-being.
2. Growth and change begin with inquiry and curiosity.
Every circumstance we encounter is essentially life holding up a mirror in front of us, drawing out bits and pieces of our internal experience that we can decide to look at from a place of inquiry:
What is there to learn here?
How can I grow from this?
Where else in my life does this show up?
If we take on the view that all of the events and situations life throws at us are opportunities to get to know ourselves, we can come from a place of curiosity about patterns in our ways of thinking and behaving. When we get curious about these patterns, rather than accept unhelpful negative self-talk as fact, we can gain insight into areas of our psyche that are major sticking points that might need closer attention in order to heal and move forward.
3. You have the power to create a new experience.
When we do things differently, things become different inside of us.
Living life by adopted ideas of what you believe to be true about yourself or others, allows you to live only within the limits of those “truths.”
Interrupting unhelpful patterns in thoughts and behaviors through new actions can transform healing from something you wish for or talk about into an actual lived experience. Putting new skills into action creates opportunities for growth and expansion as you begin to experience shifts toward positivity in your life.
Witnessing shifts in your thinking and responding to life can lead you to develop confidence and improved resilience, as you come to believe that the capacity to create positive change is already inside you.
4. Everything in life is a practice.
There is no end to our growth or level of happiness. We may reach a point in our lives where we feel complete, whether that be in our healing, or our pain, and that might feel like further growth is not possible. But life, in both its uplifting and challenging qualities, has a way of peeling back layers within our psyche that propels us into new opportunities for self-discovery and transformation.
In this way, there is no perfection, or always “getting it right” when it comes to life. There is only choice. Choice to decide how you want to respond to whatever is in front of you.
Consider that every moment you are faced with throughout your day is an opportunity to practice something new that will help you grow, learn, and transform.
**Shared from Brandon Stanton, NY based Photographer and Photojournalist of Humans of New York-- a blog, turned two-best selling books and expansive social media following that offers people glimpses into the lives of New York City inhabitants. Brandon set out in his initial work in 2010 with a goal of photographing 10,000 New Yorkers in their natural state as they go about their normal lives amongst the hustle and bustle of New York City. He went on to interview subjects and compile their stories into books to share with the world. Brandon has since expanded his work to include stories from people around the globe amongst 20 different countries. His work is impactful not only in the way it promotes the common thread of humanity amongst us all, but in the manner it connects us to one another. Check out his meaningful work: Humans of New York
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Thank you for being a presence for us, for yourself, and for others.
We are so glad you’re here.
