4 Mindsets to Connect with Your True Self
Many aspects of our lives are externally focused on tangible details that we can see, hear, smell, touch, taste, and feel. We operate on efficiency and are pressured to produce, to look a certain way, to keep moving, doing, and yearning for more.
Our senses act as gatekeepers to our experiences—helping us discern where our attention and efforts are best served—which usually aligns with what makes us feel good.
This explains why we spend our hard-earned money on material items or to improve our appearance—because we experience an appealing change that we can touch, see, and share outwardly with others.
While an external focus is necessary to discern our approach to tackling problems or making decisions, too much of it can cause us to have less time and energy to devote to connecting with ourselves and our internal experience. In cases like this, online therapy for individuals can be a powerful tool for reconnecting with ourselves and learning how to prioritize our inner well-being.
Why is it so important to connect with and understand our internal experience?
Our thoughts, emotions, and sensations drive how we relate to the experiences that come through our senses. In this way, events and situations that stick with us or influence our behavior do so because something about them resonates with us on a deeper level.
Whether it's a song, a movie, a greeting card, or an interaction you had with someone, if the experience caused you to have a big feeling or response, it struck a chord within you, and it did so because there was a chord there for it to strike.
Whether it's a song, a movie, a greeting card, or an interaction you had with someone, if the experience caused you to have a big feeling or response, it struck a chord within you—and it did so because there was a chord there for it to strike. Our understanding of situations is not based on what we see but on how we’ve come to make sense of events in our minds based on past experiences. It is as if we relate to ourselves and the world through a lens of adopted truths, of how we know things based on what we’ve experienced prior.
“The eye doesn’t see. The brain sees. The eye just transmits. So what we see isn’t only determined by what comes through the eyes. What we see is affected by our memories, our feelings, and by what we’ve seen before.” **
Something under the surface always drives even the simplest decisions we make, reactions we have, and thoughts we believe every day. When we get to know these deeper patterns within ourselves, we can truly understand how we operate and ultimately discover how to create the changes we want to see in ourselves and our lives. If you're struggling to identify or understand these patterns, online therapy can be an invaluable resource, helping to unravel and explore these complexities in a supportive environment.
Instead of saying, “I don’t know why I feel this way” or “I don’t know why I always do this or why this always happens,” if we are truly able to connect with ourselves, we can go into situations knowing our patterns in thinking and responding and choose to put our attention on something different. We can respond in a more helpful way and ultimately achieve a better outcome or result that is more aligned with who we truly are and the life we want to lead.
With a deeper understanding of how we think, feel, and function within the context of the world around us, we simultaneously develop a profound and unwavering connection to ourselves and others. Online therapy for individuals is one path to help foster this connection, offering guidance in identifying unhelpful patterns and fostering greater self-awareness.
When we are truly connected to ourselves and operate from a place of choice rather than a knee-jerk or unconscious reaction, we are able to see and understand the world based on the present moment rather than the meaning we’ve come to believe based on the past.
By seeing ourselves for who we truly are, we are able to see others for who they are.
Knowing that the people in our lives are also a culmination of their nuances and layers of accumulated experiences allows us to engage with others as they are rather than how we perceive them to be—or how we wish them to be. There is no longer a need to fix, change, judge, or blame the people in our lives. Nor is there a need to make ourselves smaller or louder in our interactions with others.
We gain the ability to engage with ourselves and others from a place of understanding and compassion that conveys the message:
I see you.
I hear you.
I am with you.
How do we come to lose sight of ourselves?
While we have become so accustomed to predictability and structure, our internal experience is much less organized, making it difficult to connect with and understand our deeper selves. The thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations of our internal experience are muddled with nuance. The things we think, believe, and feel are often subtle and layered with little (and big) traumas that we’ve come to accumulate throughout our experiences.
Frequently, the things that are mixed in with our internal experience are uncomfortable, messy, and essentially a big can of worms—except… you don’t always know what else, if anything, is inside the can. It’s no wonder we aren't eager to tap into the obscurity that makes up the depth of who we are. It’s why we stay in our comfort zone—even when it stops being comfortable. It's why we look outside of ourselves to feel better, and sometimes it's even what drives some of our most unhealthy behaviors. For many people, online therapy can provide a safe, confidential space to explore these discomforts and find new paths toward healing.
Truthfully, we have never been immediately wired to connect easily with our deeper selves. In our most primal beginnings as humans, our brains were wired to focus only on the external to ensure safety and survival. However, as physical survival is not the only concern anymore, fulfillment of higher needs takes more precedence now than it did generations prior.
Survival nowadays includes the need to feel significant and purposeful, loved, and as though we belong somewhere. The true fulfillment of these needs is experienced as an internal shift and inner healing. Sure, we can buy an expensive pair of shoes, change our appearance, and attain all of the external things we desire, and it may offer us ease, comfort, or joy, but it won’t always fulfill the deeper need that drove us to want those things in the first place. Instead, it may cause us to remain searching for things that provide us with extrinsic gratification to feel better momentarily. Utilizing tools like online therapy for individuals can help us explore our deeper needs and find more lasting fulfillment.
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How can we connect with ourselves and live in harmony with our internal experience?
Emotions & sensations are your friend.
In the same way our stomach grumbles to tell us we need to eat, our bodies tell us when our emotions need attention. If we take the time to notice internal shifts in our sensations and moods, and we welcome those experiences as indications that something is going on for us that needs our attention, we are more likely to meet ourselves with compassion and provide the emotional nourishment we need. Online therapy can help us navigate these emotional signals and guide us toward deeper self-awareness and emotional well-being.
I invite you to notice shifts in your mood, energy, and internal experience.
Ask yourself:
What am I feeling?
What is happening within me?
What is happening around me?
Ask yourself these questions without attaching meaning or “why” behind what you are feeling—just notice.
Consider that the shifts you feel in your internal experience are signals to your brain and body that you are experiencing something profound that is worthy of attention and pause. This is where you can practice listening to what your heart is telling you and giving it what it needs to feed your well-being.
2. Growth and change begin with inquiry and curiosity.
Every circumstance we encounter is essentially life holding up a mirror in front of us, drawing out bits and pieces of our internal experience that we can decide to look at from a place of inquiry:
What is there to learn here?
How can I grow from this?
Where else in my life does this show up?
If we take on the view that all of the events and situations life throws at us are opportunities to get to know ourselves, we can come from a place of curiosity about patterns in our ways of thinking and behaving. When we get curious about these patterns, rather than accept unhelpful negative self-talk as fact, we can gain insight into areas of our psyche that are major sticking points that might need closer attention to heal and move forward. Engaging in online therapycan offer an even deeper level of inquiry, helping to highlight areas that need healing and growth.
3. You have the power to create a new experience.
When we do things differently, things become different inside of us.
When we do things differently, things become different inside of us.
Living life by adopted ideas of what you believe to be true about yourself or others allows you to live only within the limits of those “truths.” Interrupting unhelpful patterns in thoughts and behaviors through new actions can transform healing from something you wish for or talk about into an actual lived experience. Putting new skills into action creates opportunities for growth and expansion as you begin to experience shifts toward positivity in your life. Online therapy for individuals can offer the support you need to make these shifts, helping you put new ideas into practice.
Witnessing shifts in your thinking and responding to life can lead you to develop confidence and improved resilience as you come to believe that the capacity to create positive change is already inside you.
4. Everything in life is a practice.
There is no end to our growth or level of happiness. We may reach a point in our lives where we feel complete, whether in our healing or our pain, and that might feel like further growth is impossible. But life, in both its uplifting and challenging qualities, has a way of peeling back layers within our psyche that propels us into new opportunities for self-discovery and transformation. Online therapy for individuals can help guide you through these periods of growth, ensuring that you continue evolving toward a better version of yourself.
In this way, there is no perfection or always “getting it right” in life. There is only one choice, the choice to decide how you want to respond to whatever is in front of you. Consider that every moment you face throughout your day is an opportunity to practice something new that will help you grow, learn, and transform.
**Shared from Brandon Stanton, NY based Photographer and Photojournalist of Humans of New York-- a blog, turned two-best selling books and expansive social media following that offers people glimpses into the lives of New York City inhabitants. Brandon set out in his initial work in 2010 with a goal of photographing 10,000 New Yorkers in their natural state as they go about their normal lives amongst the hustle and bustle of New York City. He went on to interview subjects and compile their stories into books to share with the world. Brandon has since expanded his work to include stories from people around the globe amongst 20 different countries. His work is impactful not only in the way it promotes the common thread of humanity amongst us all, but in the manner it connects us to one another. Check out his meaningful work: Humans of New York
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Thank you for being a presence for us, for yourself, and for others.
We are so glad you’re here.
