When your partner is expecting a baby, it’s not only their life that changes — it’s both of yours. The arrival of a new baby brings joy, exhaustion, and deep transformation for everyone in the family system.
Yet while the focus often lands on the physical health of the birthing parent and the baby, the emotional journey of both parents can be overlooked.
At The Collective Therapy & Wellness, we believe that when partners understand how to recognize emotional changes, communicate with empathy, and share the mental load, families thrive. This article will help you understand what your partner may experience, how to show up effectively, and how to take care of yourself along the way.
1. Understanding Emotional Shifts During Pregnancy & Postpartum
Pregnancy and postpartum are not just physical experiences — they are neurological, hormonal, and psychological transitions.
The birthing parent undergoes enormous hormonal changes affecting mood, sleep, and stress regulation. But both partners experience psychological shifts, including role changes, identity adjustments, and often anxiety about doing things “right.”
According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG), 1 in 5 women experience a perinatal mood or anxiety disorder. Studies also show that 10% of partners experience postpartum depression or anxiety themselves (Paulson & Bazemore, JAMA, 2010).
This means emotional changes are common — and recognizing them early can make all the difference.
2. What “Baby Blues” Look Like vs. When to Seek Support
During the first two weeks postpartum, many new parents experience what’s called the “baby blues.”
Symptoms include mood swings, crying spells, and anxiety. These are typically temporary and resolve within 1–2 weeks.
If symptoms persist or worsen after two weeks, or interfere with bonding, sleep, or functioning, it may indicate a perinatal mood or anxiety disorder (PMAD).
Watch for these signs in your partner:
- Persistent sadness, hopelessness, or guilt
- High anxiety or panic attacks
- Trouble sleeping even when exhausted
- Loss of interest or withdrawal
- Scary or unwanted thoughts they find distressing
- Feeling disconnected from baby or partner
These are treatable and nothing to be ashamed of. Your awareness can be the bridge to getting timely support.
3. How to Communicate When Your Partner Is Struggling
The way you approach your partner can either build safety or unintentionally create shutdown. Here are trauma-informed communication strategies that foster trust and openness:
Say things like:
- “You’re not alone in this.”
- “It’s okay to feel overwhelmed — you’re doing so much.”
- “I’ve noticed you seem more anxious/sad lately. How are you holding up?”
- “Would it help if I handled ___ so you can rest for a bit?”
Avoid saying:
- “You should be happy — the baby’s healthy.”
- “You just need sleep.”
- “Other people have it worse.”
Empathy and listening is what helps most – not fixing. Sometimes your role isn’t to solve but to sit beside the storm.
4. Shared Stress & the Invisible Mental Load
Emotional labor in early parenthood can be invisible but heavy. The birthing parent often feels the weight of feeding schedules, emotional attunement, and recovery while adjusting to their own body’s healing.
Partners can help by:
- Taking initiative with daily care tasks — feedings, diaper changes, dishes, meals
- Being mindful of their partner’s physical recovery timeline
- Managing logistics and shielding from unnecessary stressors (calls, visitors)
- Encouraging breaks without guilt
- Checking in emotionally (“What’s been hardest for you today?”)
When partners share the mental and emotional load, postpartum outcomes improve for the entire family.
5. Intrusive Thoughts: What You Need to Know
Many parents, especially mothers, experience intrusive thoughts — sudden, unwanted “what-if” fears about harm coming to their baby. These thoughts are often ego-dystonic, meaning the person finds them distressing and inconsistent with their values.
Examples:
- “What if I drop the baby down the stairs?”
- “What if something bad happens while I sleep?”
If your partner shares a thought like this, stay calm and compassionate.
Say:
“That sounds scary. I’m glad you told me — these thoughts can be really common after birth. Would it help to talk to your doctor or a therapist together?”
Responding with empathy instead of alarm helps reduce shame and encourages honesty.
If thoughts become repetitive, cause intense distress, or lead to avoidance (like not wanting to hold the baby), encourage your partner to reach out to a perinatal-informed therapist or their OB-GYN.
6. How to Build a Post-Birth Emotional Support Plan Together
A practical plan can help prevent crisis and set you both up for smoother adjustment.
Your shared plan might include:
- Who handles meals, chores, and nighttime duties
- A list of trusted helpers (friends, relatives, doulas)
- Emotional check-ins (“How are you really doing?”)
- Sleep and rest schedules for both partners
- Backup support if one partner becomes overwhelmed
- When to contact a professional (therapist, doctor, PSI Helpline)
You can download a free support plan.
Post-Birth Emotional Support Plan
7. Caring for Yourself as a Partner
Supporting someone through postpartum recovery is meaningful work — but it can also be draining. Your well-being matters too.
Self-care reminders:
- Get rest when possible
- Eat and hydrate regularly
- Reach out to friends or peer groups for support
- Seek therapy if you’re feeling depressed, anxious, or helpless
- Remember that you can love your partner deeply and still feel overwhelmed
Healthy partners make for healthier families.
8. When to Seek Help
Encourage your partner to reach out for professional help if:
- Symptoms persist beyond two weeks
- They express hopelessness or thoughts of harm
- They feel disconnected from reality or express confusion
- They are having intrusive thoughts that cause distress
You can call:
- Postpartum Support International (PSI): 1-800-944-4773 (or text HELP to 800-944-4773)
- The Collective Therapy & Wellness: www.collective-therapy.com
Therapy provides a safe space for both parents to learn coping tools, communication strategies, and grounding practices that support the whole family system.
9. Key Takeaways
- Emotional changes after birth are normal, but persistent distress deserves support.
- Listening and validating are more powerful than advice.
- Sharing household and emotional labor prevents burnout and resentment.
- Your calm, consistent presence can help your partner feel safe.
- When in doubt, reach out — help is available and healing is possible.
References
- ACOG: https://www.acog.org/womens-health/faqs/postpartum-depression
- CDC: https://www.cdc.gov/reproductivehealth/features/maternal-depression/index.html
- Postpartum Support International: https://www.postpartum.net/
- Paulson, J.F. & Bazemore, S.D. (2010). “Prenatal and Postpartum Depression in Fathers and Its Association With Maternal Depression.” JAMA, 303(19):1961–1969.
- Harvard Health: https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/helping-your-partner-through-postpartum-depression-202105252461
Read Part One: Preparing Emotionally for Life With a New Baby
Read Part Three: Understanding Perinatal and Postpartum Mental Health (Evidence-Based Guidance)